Know the Score
Many relationships are facing intense stress and anxiety over money issues. It seems that love and money have an important connection with couples. Perhaps your current relationship is feeling the impact of this connection now. How would you rate your relationship on a 1-10 love & money scale, where the first number is how loving and passionate your connection is and the second number is the degree to which you have mastered money concerns? For instance: a 10/10 would be the best of everything: you’re in intimate love and ecstatic passion with one another and you feel absolute financial certainty & freedom (where you don’t ever have to work, unless you want to, and you never have to worry about your bills being paid, since the steady returns from your secure and growing investments easily cover any expenses you could have).
Wouldn’t you guess that few of us could score such a 10/10 nirvana experience? This article is for the rest of us. Relationship is almost everything in life, since all of life is made up of relationship: with oneself, others, and one’s Source. Yet, money represents life force and investment of time and energy. In many ways we trade our life energy for money. So, we need to respect what goes in to making, protecting, and enjoying money and what it can do for others and us in the way of convenience, creativity, and contribution. So, what if I told you there are ways to improve in both love & money simultaneously?
Close the Gap
What makes us happy? Pleasure! Right (at least over the short-term)? Progress is what really makes us feel happy over the long term. In the love & money game of life, we have both practical and emotionally driven needs that must be met at high levels in order for us to feel like we are joyfully winning in a satisfying way. So, we shall look at both. To achieve progress in finances and relationship you must honestly know where you are, getting clear about where you want to be, and closing the gap between the two step-by-step. The gap gets reduced by removing what’s in the way, designing a workable plan, and taking proven action to hit your target. So, let’s take a look at what could be obstructing your passion and pocketbook, how to remove it, and how to use proven strategies that can realign your relationship with satisfying love and financial progress.
Give What They Need
Everyone has the emotional need for certainty, but one person in relationship may be more predominantly driven by it than another. How much of what you do, don’t do, or get anxious about, stems from your need to feel comfortable or stable (which are other ways to describe feeling certain)? Your need for certainty may be why you don’t change jobs, why you eat unhealthy “comfort” food, procrastinate, or watch way too much TV, none of which may be helping your bank account most effectively.
Each of us has different vehicles through which we meet our need for certainty. One may feel comfort from having a savings or retirement account; another may need to feel safe by having a particular level of income or type of job stability. Knowing what you and your partner need to feel comfortable is vital, because when you don’t feel certain enough, fear can dominate you and your passion will go out the window. Fear can bring difficulty to your communication, create disconnection, and threaten the very stability of your relationship. You may think, “The jerk doesn’t know how to communicate”, when in fact it may just be that he’s afraid. Understanding this can empower you to respond from compassion instead of reacting un-resourcefully. Then, together you will be in a better position to receive ideas, change perceptions, and take necessary or inspired action. As you do, watch how obstructing fears subside, passion increases, and creative ideas to improve your finances get acted on.
Each of us also has a need for loving connection, yet one partner could need this even more than their partner needs certainty. “We could be broke, but if I know we still love each other, I’ll be fine.” Sounds good on paper, but if the partner who has a dominant need for certainty feels out of control economically and thus withdraws affections, and the other partner primarily needs to feel loving connection but doesn’t, the relationship could become stressed to a breaking point over time.
One key to navigating such a love/money challenge is to seek to unselfishly give your partner what they most need, and to do it in a way that they resonate with. For example, provide the certainty they need by telling your mate that you will always be there for them and that you believe they have what it takes to work through their financial trials. In the other case, you might offer love & connection to your intimate other by getting out of your self-concern and giving them words of kindness, physical affection, thoughtful care and supportive actions. While this may not seem like it has much to do with money, consider the fact that studies have shown that sharing a passionate kiss with one’s honey before leaving for work has a considerable positive impact on the annual income of that household.
Having first sought to understand and meet your partner’s needs, it is also important to openly communicate what you need most, and it may be appropriate to ask for the help from both your partner and others. Partners that work together well can overcome huge things financially. In fact, abundance is ever-present. We just need to access it through positive expectation, willingness to bring unexpected & enthusiastic value to others (in ways that make them want more) and massive action using feedback along the way. You can read more about abundance, love, and money in my book, Being Love: 26 Keys to Experiencing Unconditional Love., available on Barnes and Noble and www.BeingLove.net
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Top-Selling Relationship Book Gives New Possibilities for Valentine's Day
Top-Selling Relationship Book Gives New Possibilities for Valentine's Day
Check out the above link to see the article that went to 30,000 journalists, and to preview chapters from Being Love!
Check out the above link to see the article that went to 30,000 journalists, and to preview chapters from Being Love!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Trust: The Key to a Successful Relationship
Joy and success in relationships are built on trust. Without trust, what’s really left? Certainly not fulfilling sex! Who and what you trust will have a great impact on the results of your intimate relationship and life. You can look at the quality of trust in your life from four different perspectives: How well you trust in your divine Source, how well you trust yourself, how well others trust you, and how well and wisely you trust others.
Trust the Supreme
Do you trust that a loving Power is caring for you and guiding you in every detail of your life? No doubt there is something beyond your mortal self and what you can see and touch—a divine Power that created everything and presently gives life to all things. You are included in the totality of this animating field of energy. The immensity of this Power and Presence ultimately governs the existence and movement of all things, including you. With this awareness, you have several choices each day. You can refuse to accept divine Love’s presence in your life, ignore or forget about it, or choose to progressively relax into it and be moved and blessed by it.
For a fresh approach, instead of thinking of God as an entity, it may be helpful for you to think in terms of qualities such as constancy, omnipotence, reliable Truth, comforting Love, all-knowing Mind, and eternal Life. Trust in such attributes is developed by seeking to understand, witness, and align with them.
Being able to actually trust the Presence is an amazing and wonderful feeling that stays with us always. One time I was saved while surfing in Hawaii during a severe storm by trusting in God’s care and protection for me. The powerful inter-island current shifted, and instead of being carried out to sea hundreds of miles, I was brought to land. Every time we shift from anxiety back into trust, our faith-capacity increases.
No matter what your intimate relationship looks like, you have the opportunity to know that you’re part of a much greater plan. Look for the bigger picture and seek to be part of the orchestration that is moving everyone involved, including you and your loved ones. In this way, you won’t have to make your problems and responsibilities bigger than Life itself, because they actually aren’t. Much like the mighty ocean currents, there is a divine flow that we can adjust to.
What we focus on, especially with emotional intensity, will tend to expand in our lives. By focusing on God’s infinitely powerful, tender nature and activity and living in alignment with principles of humility, truth, and love, we’ll tend to have less fear and doubt parading in front of us. We strengthen our trust in the Presence by making It our focus and priority. It is our spiritual design to trust Spirit, and it is the most natural thing to do when the ego- or fear-dominated obstructions to this trust are reduced or removed.
Divinity’s nature includes gentle kindness, tender compassion, powerful strength, constant discipline, perfect timing, abundant care, infinite goodness, spontaneous creativity, and so much more. Appreciate and embody these qualities and thereby overcome fear and confusion, while you expand the certainty of your trust in the Supreme.
Trust Yourself
Do you really trust yourself to follow through and keep promises with yourself? Do you stick to your values? Do you believe in your own empowered word to declare something and have it occur? You strengthen trust in yourself when you keep your word, have good motives, and live honestly. Say what you mean, do what you say, and then watch self-doubt subside and self-confidence rise. Having pure motives will also foster an untainted heart—the kind of heart that feels easy to trust.
Your inner voice will become clearer when it is not obstructed with motives, words, and actions that try to deceive others. We can fool some of the people some of the time, but we can never really fool ourselves in the long run. We know at a core level whether we’re practicing integrity. If there is any doubt, ask such questions as, “Was there a more honest way to say that?” “Was my motive unselfish?” or “Will I be glad I did this a year from now or at the end of my life?” Life is like an onion skin—there are a lot more layers of honesty than we think before we get to the pearl (progressive freedom and joy).
By everything you think, feel, say, or do, you’re contributing to either an atmosphere of trust or mistrust. When you know what to do and then do something else, you’ll likely feel weaker mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually.
Principles of integrity and self-trust apply equally to every area of life—spiritual practices, eating habits, exercise, education, workplace, and relationships. Ask yourself if your desired quality of relationship is worth enough for you to strengthen your self-trust. If yes, then go for it!
Do Others Trust You?
President Abraham Lincoln once rejected a man named as a potential cabinet member. When an aide asked why, Lincoln simply replied that he did not like the way the man looked. Being shocked, the aide stated that a man is not responsible for his appearance. Lincoln corrected him by saying that every man over the age of forty is responsible for the way he looks. Perhaps Lincoln sensed that a man’s face reflects his trustworthiness after years of motives, choices, and actions. Do you possess the qualities, motives, and actions that others can rely on? Are you loyal and believable? Does the way your face looks and the energy you broadcast create confidence in others? Do they move people toward love or fear?
The fact is that in the minds of others, you’re either trustworthy or not. There is no “kind of trustworthy.” If you’re up for the challenge, ask three people you know best how trustworthy they think you are on a scale of one to ten. Then, if you really feel bold, ask a couple of people who don’t like you very much or who aren’t close to you. Also ask why they feel the way they do and what you’d need to do differently to make your score a ten. The answers these people give you could be radically revealing. Others watch how you walk your talk and how you live your core values. They see if you do the hard or unselfish thing when you could take an easy way out. They (including children) even see you when you think they’re not watching. Is your life an example or a warning? No matter what you’ve done up until now, what will you do with the time you have left?
Your character is broadcasting a particular frequency level of trust. Ultimately, you are the one who creates the experience of trust that others give you by the quality of character you have, the motives you entertain, the states of being you display, and the choices you make. Who you have become is what others trust or mistrust. Hopefully this is encouraging to you. George Washington, the first one to be entrusted with the highest office in America, considered the most enviable of titles to be that of an “honest man.” What do you consider to be most worth going for in your life?
Trusting Others
Do others easily take advantage of you, or do you even know what makes them trustworthy or not? We don’t always see things as they are; we tend to see things as we are. Everyone sees life from her own perspective. The drug dealer thinks most people are into drugs or are criminals. The college professor believes that most people are or should be motivated by learning. The soccer mom believes that parents should actively support their kids’ interests. People who are trustworthy tend to believe that most others are too. People who are not trustworthy tend to believe that most others aren’t. Each perspective comes with benefits and costs, because not everyone we think is trustworthy actually is. But, to assume that nobody can be trusted would make for a very limited experience.
Inner wisdom will let you know whom you should not trust, if you give heed to the warning signs rather than ignore them. Think about painful relationship experiences in your past. Didn’t you receive caution flags before the emotionally climatic events? Right now you probably have new signals about with whom you should be in a relationship and from whom you need to separate. The important question is this: are you willing to separate from those you should, regardless of how invested you are with them? If a man tells you about some real estate business deals where he has stretched the line to make extra money, why should you trust his interactions with you? Given similar circumstances where he thinks he can secretly gain something at your expense, he might try the same type of thing with you!
You know people by their energy, motives, actions, communication, relationships with others, priorities, contributions, and experiences with you. Do they help build up and heal others, or do they impact them negatively? Do they find value and meaning in the same things you do? Do they support the best within you, or do they tear you down passively or aggressively? If you are a sovereign adult, you’re the one who gets to decide who to have relationships with, including your own relatives. Trust your pure insights; they can lead and protect you much more than you may realize.
Sometimes a limiting belief or untrue concept may keep you from trusting others, and this may have a hidden cost. Thoughts of past relationships may hold you back from exploring new opportunities. If you believe that all men cheat or that all women are needy, then you will operate your life on something that is simply not true. There are millions of men who don’t cheat and millions of women who are beautifully selfless givers. With your limiting beliefs, you will get to have your own private world where the beliefs are true for you. The question is: do such beliefs truly serve you and others? Do they allow you to live an abundant life filled with unlimited possibilities and amazing experiences?
There are times when we’re called by Spirit to trust others more. You may have someone in your life that, seen in the correct light, now deserves your trust. If you are looking for closer relationships, you’ll need to develop a deeper sense of trust and allow others to step into their greatness around you. This may include your willingness to open up and not be so afraid of getting hurt. Because we each operate based on our own values and rules, occasionally we let people down, and they let us down. Perhaps we need to get over it, revise our rules, and give others another opportunity to shine. Ask for their confidence, and give them yours one wise step at a time. Then check in honestly with the new results.
In my new book, Being Love: 26 Keys to Experiencing Unconditional Love (available on Amazon or www.LifeCoachMark.com, you can read more about how day presents you with growth opportunities to trust Divinity, trust yourself, wisely trust others, and expand trustworthiness in your progressive pathway to personal freedom and infinite Love.
Trust the Supreme
Do you trust that a loving Power is caring for you and guiding you in every detail of your life? No doubt there is something beyond your mortal self and what you can see and touch—a divine Power that created everything and presently gives life to all things. You are included in the totality of this animating field of energy. The immensity of this Power and Presence ultimately governs the existence and movement of all things, including you. With this awareness, you have several choices each day. You can refuse to accept divine Love’s presence in your life, ignore or forget about it, or choose to progressively relax into it and be moved and blessed by it.
For a fresh approach, instead of thinking of God as an entity, it may be helpful for you to think in terms of qualities such as constancy, omnipotence, reliable Truth, comforting Love, all-knowing Mind, and eternal Life. Trust in such attributes is developed by seeking to understand, witness, and align with them.
Being able to actually trust the Presence is an amazing and wonderful feeling that stays with us always. One time I was saved while surfing in Hawaii during a severe storm by trusting in God’s care and protection for me. The powerful inter-island current shifted, and instead of being carried out to sea hundreds of miles, I was brought to land. Every time we shift from anxiety back into trust, our faith-capacity increases.
No matter what your intimate relationship looks like, you have the opportunity to know that you’re part of a much greater plan. Look for the bigger picture and seek to be part of the orchestration that is moving everyone involved, including you and your loved ones. In this way, you won’t have to make your problems and responsibilities bigger than Life itself, because they actually aren’t. Much like the mighty ocean currents, there is a divine flow that we can adjust to.
What we focus on, especially with emotional intensity, will tend to expand in our lives. By focusing on God’s infinitely powerful, tender nature and activity and living in alignment with principles of humility, truth, and love, we’ll tend to have less fear and doubt parading in front of us. We strengthen our trust in the Presence by making It our focus and priority. It is our spiritual design to trust Spirit, and it is the most natural thing to do when the ego- or fear-dominated obstructions to this trust are reduced or removed.
Divinity’s nature includes gentle kindness, tender compassion, powerful strength, constant discipline, perfect timing, abundant care, infinite goodness, spontaneous creativity, and so much more. Appreciate and embody these qualities and thereby overcome fear and confusion, while you expand the certainty of your trust in the Supreme.
Trust Yourself
Do you really trust yourself to follow through and keep promises with yourself? Do you stick to your values? Do you believe in your own empowered word to declare something and have it occur? You strengthen trust in yourself when you keep your word, have good motives, and live honestly. Say what you mean, do what you say, and then watch self-doubt subside and self-confidence rise. Having pure motives will also foster an untainted heart—the kind of heart that feels easy to trust.
Your inner voice will become clearer when it is not obstructed with motives, words, and actions that try to deceive others. We can fool some of the people some of the time, but we can never really fool ourselves in the long run. We know at a core level whether we’re practicing integrity. If there is any doubt, ask such questions as, “Was there a more honest way to say that?” “Was my motive unselfish?” or “Will I be glad I did this a year from now or at the end of my life?” Life is like an onion skin—there are a lot more layers of honesty than we think before we get to the pearl (progressive freedom and joy).
By everything you think, feel, say, or do, you’re contributing to either an atmosphere of trust or mistrust. When you know what to do and then do something else, you’ll likely feel weaker mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually.
Principles of integrity and self-trust apply equally to every area of life—spiritual practices, eating habits, exercise, education, workplace, and relationships. Ask yourself if your desired quality of relationship is worth enough for you to strengthen your self-trust. If yes, then go for it!
Do Others Trust You?
President Abraham Lincoln once rejected a man named as a potential cabinet member. When an aide asked why, Lincoln simply replied that he did not like the way the man looked. Being shocked, the aide stated that a man is not responsible for his appearance. Lincoln corrected him by saying that every man over the age of forty is responsible for the way he looks. Perhaps Lincoln sensed that a man’s face reflects his trustworthiness after years of motives, choices, and actions. Do you possess the qualities, motives, and actions that others can rely on? Are you loyal and believable? Does the way your face looks and the energy you broadcast create confidence in others? Do they move people toward love or fear?
The fact is that in the minds of others, you’re either trustworthy or not. There is no “kind of trustworthy.” If you’re up for the challenge, ask three people you know best how trustworthy they think you are on a scale of one to ten. Then, if you really feel bold, ask a couple of people who don’t like you very much or who aren’t close to you. Also ask why they feel the way they do and what you’d need to do differently to make your score a ten. The answers these people give you could be radically revealing. Others watch how you walk your talk and how you live your core values. They see if you do the hard or unselfish thing when you could take an easy way out. They (including children) even see you when you think they’re not watching. Is your life an example or a warning? No matter what you’ve done up until now, what will you do with the time you have left?
Your character is broadcasting a particular frequency level of trust. Ultimately, you are the one who creates the experience of trust that others give you by the quality of character you have, the motives you entertain, the states of being you display, and the choices you make. Who you have become is what others trust or mistrust. Hopefully this is encouraging to you. George Washington, the first one to be entrusted with the highest office in America, considered the most enviable of titles to be that of an “honest man.” What do you consider to be most worth going for in your life?
Trusting Others
Do others easily take advantage of you, or do you even know what makes them trustworthy or not? We don’t always see things as they are; we tend to see things as we are. Everyone sees life from her own perspective. The drug dealer thinks most people are into drugs or are criminals. The college professor believes that most people are or should be motivated by learning. The soccer mom believes that parents should actively support their kids’ interests. People who are trustworthy tend to believe that most others are too. People who are not trustworthy tend to believe that most others aren’t. Each perspective comes with benefits and costs, because not everyone we think is trustworthy actually is. But, to assume that nobody can be trusted would make for a very limited experience.
Inner wisdom will let you know whom you should not trust, if you give heed to the warning signs rather than ignore them. Think about painful relationship experiences in your past. Didn’t you receive caution flags before the emotionally climatic events? Right now you probably have new signals about with whom you should be in a relationship and from whom you need to separate. The important question is this: are you willing to separate from those you should, regardless of how invested you are with them? If a man tells you about some real estate business deals where he has stretched the line to make extra money, why should you trust his interactions with you? Given similar circumstances where he thinks he can secretly gain something at your expense, he might try the same type of thing with you!
You know people by their energy, motives, actions, communication, relationships with others, priorities, contributions, and experiences with you. Do they help build up and heal others, or do they impact them negatively? Do they find value and meaning in the same things you do? Do they support the best within you, or do they tear you down passively or aggressively? If you are a sovereign adult, you’re the one who gets to decide who to have relationships with, including your own relatives. Trust your pure insights; they can lead and protect you much more than you may realize.
Sometimes a limiting belief or untrue concept may keep you from trusting others, and this may have a hidden cost. Thoughts of past relationships may hold you back from exploring new opportunities. If you believe that all men cheat or that all women are needy, then you will operate your life on something that is simply not true. There are millions of men who don’t cheat and millions of women who are beautifully selfless givers. With your limiting beliefs, you will get to have your own private world where the beliefs are true for you. The question is: do such beliefs truly serve you and others? Do they allow you to live an abundant life filled with unlimited possibilities and amazing experiences?
There are times when we’re called by Spirit to trust others more. You may have someone in your life that, seen in the correct light, now deserves your trust. If you are looking for closer relationships, you’ll need to develop a deeper sense of trust and allow others to step into their greatness around you. This may include your willingness to open up and not be so afraid of getting hurt. Because we each operate based on our own values and rules, occasionally we let people down, and they let us down. Perhaps we need to get over it, revise our rules, and give others another opportunity to shine. Ask for their confidence, and give them yours one wise step at a time. Then check in honestly with the new results.
In my new book, Being Love: 26 Keys to Experiencing Unconditional Love (available on Amazon or www.LifeCoachMark.com, you can read more about how day presents you with growth opportunities to trust Divinity, trust yourself, wisely trust others, and expand trustworthiness in your progressive pathway to personal freedom and infinite Love.
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