Compassion and Acceptance

Perhaps all of us have had family members or others in our life that have said or done things to us which frankly seem unforgivable! Can you remember a circumstance where you spoke hurtful or hateful words, and later recognized that you did not really mean them? The context of your life affected the content of what you said. You were tired, afraid, angry, stressed, or feeling hurt. In that moment you just had to defend yourself, get some space, work through anxiety, or vent some frustration. If someone had understood how you were feeling emotionally, mentally, and/or physically at the time, they could have more easily forgiven you, right? Likewise, if we understood more about the one who offended us, we could more easily forgive them. Picture that person before you right now, and ask them to tell you what the context of their life was like at the time. Listen. What you hear may radically heal you.

When we go to the theater and watch a feature length period piece we may make some judgments about it. The leading actor did a decent job, but the cinematography was lousy, and the movie was a let down. We believe our perceptions are well informed and accurate. We’re always right about how things look to us, aren’t we? We think our truth is The Truth, and that is where the problem lies. If we watched only two minutes of the film instead of the whole feature, we would obviously be less informed. In judging others, we often base our perceptions and reactions on a very short piece of their ‘life movie’—the limited and interpreted part that affected us! So, our judgments may not be as wise as we believe they are. We don’t know every thought and fear they’ve entertained, every decision they made, and how much they were influenced by various people and environments. There is so much we really don’t know about the movie of another’s life. Perhaps that is why the great beings taught that true judgment belongs only to God.

We can come to the place of understanding that, based on the person’s spiritual level of consciousness at the time, how they were feeling, the programming of their DNA and culture, the many choices they had made before that point in time, and what they believed to be true about themselves and the world, it is likely they could not have done it any other way than the way they did, at that moment in time. It is possible that if we had lived their life for them, we may have done it just as they did!

Gautama Buddha taught that the only sin is ignorance. Most people are simply unaware of just how unloving they have been. Understanding this gives us perspective. It is easier to find forgiveness when we connect with what Jesus spoke: “…forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34—LAM). For someone, this may be translated, “The man has no clue.” For someone else, “I see she did not have the awareness and capacity to do it another way.” As we awaken, we perceive a fuller impact of our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Only with heightened awareness can we make higher choices.

If we not only watched an entire movie, but learned about the making of the film, the screenwriter’s background and intent, and the history of the era in which the movie takes place, our perceptions would shift and our understanding of context would expand. We would naturally have more insight and compassion. The same principle applies to understanding another person! Being compassionate with others is the key to opening the door of our heart to forgive.

When we closely examine some of our own repeated poor choices, mistakes, and verbal offenses, we can be just as gentle with ourselves. We did the best we could, until we progressively learned to do it better. Awareness and compassion lead us to acceptance of what was, and what is, without resentment. It is like our heart says, “Of course it happened that way, now I understand.” With this higher wisdom we no longer have to fight the past. We can be at ease with it. Coming to this realization may not be easy; it may be challenging and require much of us in the way of radical humility. It just happens to be easier than continuing to live with the heavy weights of hurt, anger, and resistance—which keep us stuck and deplete our life energy.

Stay open for Divine grace to soften your heart and heal your emotions. A burden can be removed from the other person and you. Forgiveness always has multiple blessings.